Not All Heros Wear Capes. Sometimes They Wear Diapers and Throw Tantrums.

If you begin your parenting journey thinking your kids ruined your “good times,” your friendships, your old way of life, you are going to have a bad time. You must realize that we agreed to this shift. That is why our children come to us, because wether we know it or not, we called them here.

To bring negativity to this dynamic is to resist the opportunity that our children so daringly bring. The beautiful and powerful shift to propel you forward in your life.

I invite you to see the parent/child dynamic as I have come to in my studies, in my awakening, in my removal of the mask over my eyes, you would do nothing but thank your children. All day long. Instead of perpetuate the low perspective that they drain you in any way. When you look at it in that way, it is the filter of which you will see everything about them.  This is the breeding ground for exhaustion and resentment. What a disservice to our greatest teachers.

They come in knowing everything about the most authentic version of ourselves and yet we insist on being bogged down by defeat we have learned to accept over the years. The not being good enough, the settling for mediocre relationships, the dysfunction we have accrued. We hang onto it with clenched fists and our children try so hard to transmute it into love and all we can see is that they take from us. They are not taking!! They are putting in you in touch with your limitless, it has been taken from you, forgotten, taught out of you. All they ask is that we let it go and all we can say is shit like “terrible twos”

No. They are moving up into their Solar Plexus, exploring their personal power. Look how beautifully demanding that child is. Is it time for you to speak your needs? Is it time for you to stop doing shit you hate? To flat out refuse participation? Is it time for you to scream no or scream to be seen by life? Holy shit, thank you child, for changing everything. For drawing attention to the bullshit I have been putting up with for a lifetime. They will cause such a rift between you and it, you will clash like thunder. Let it go.

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Before

Before I had my children I had the perfect body. 226375_10150289375558135_3872987_n Also, before I had children, I was no stranger to laying on the floor in the bathroom, ears ringing, cold sweats. Low blood sugar. From starving myself. I couldn't do much for too long, but god damn, I looked good doing it. That's what mattered.

After I had children, my body changed. But so did everything else. I began to give a shit about myself. And I started to gain weight. It was uncomfortable, but deep down, it felt right and that feeling of what was right was new for me, reguarding my looks because even though I was so cute on the outside, I was writhing on the inside. Self loathing. I was never sure of myself. I was the most self conscious person in any room. So much so that it triggered extreme anxiety. I would pick at my face for hours in the mirror, removing every single piece of skin and hiding every blemish. Being so mean to myself. I was so uncertain of every decision I made and uncertain.

Now I can carry 50 pounds (of any combination of my kids) for 8 hours. Now I can do one handed hand stands. Now I can do a lot of things for a long time because I am nit concerened who is staring at me, I am confident with every step, with every decision. I am strong. Because I chose to be nice to myself. I chose to make little changes, to see the beauty in myself. To see me in the way my partner does, the way my kids do. Unconditional love. Because I deserve it. And I don't have to work for it or look a certain way or be a certain way or do a certain thing. I am free. Because I am loved for my existence.

 

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The journey of a mother

I was a size zero before I had my first child. I'm only telling you where I started because it wasn't until my first postpartum experience that I came to realize that number defined me. It WAS me and it made accepting my new body absolutely impossible. I was the small funny girl, what was I now? Omg, who am I?! If I wasn't my appearance, who the fuck was I? I struggled body dysmorphic disorder and experiences with eating disorders, but I realize that before this, I was always small. I never had to ask, I didn't even know that was how I defined myself until that point.But wow, I would stand in front of the mirror and sob, I put myself down, I put myself through hell....for what?

Through parenting, I realized I had many talents, I was strong, smart, creative, so I focused on that but it was still a very long journey. I was pregnant 9 months later. Twenty pounds heavier than the first time (which I realize now was an actual healthy weight for me, if not below....but don't tell my then self that) I made several changes to my life during this period, actually, my whole life changed and this postpartum experience was a lot different. I didn't have time to stare in the mirror, I started saying positive affirmations, even though it was a struggle. Did I believe that I was perfect and beautiful and worthy, not quite, but you say things as you wish they were, not necessarily as they are.

I am three weeks into my third postpartum experience. I feel like a goddess. I grew life, 3 times. I have been on this journey of self love for 5 years, truly starting at the bottom, the utmost self loathing. I have come to know my worth, I have come to not only believe, but know without a doubt that I am worthy, I am beautiful, I am perfect. I am strong. I am defined by so much more than my appearance. I am a soul with a body, a body that I chose during this lifetime and if this is how it needed to look after creating three humans, then, thank you. Thank you body for your perfection, partnership, support and love. This is where I reside for the rest of my life and I could not ask for a better one because it's perfectly me and I am so much more than what you see. And so are you.

How can you ever say anything negative about your body after you have felt the dancing of life from inside your womb?

What a cruel scheme to keep a woman from knowing her power. To keep the focus on what pregnancy did to her body rather than what her perfect body just did. Here we sit, creating and nourishing the future and we are diminished to baby weight. I will not succumb to your demeaning ideals.

The focus of LOOK WHAT PREGNANCY DID TO MY BODY is such a devestating diservice that distracts us from our power as creators. Look what the fuck my body did. Look at what formed inside my womb. I am the portal between realms, I am all powerful. I am not defined by my extra weight or squishy body. I am the definition of God.  Look what I did. Nothing will distract me from how beautiful and immensely powerful I am.

You may share my photos with credit, please respect my journey and art and do not alter <3

Know your power, Dear One.

-Amethyst Joy

also read: This important body positive blog post

Motherhood is not martyrdom

I woke up one day and realized I was drowning. The kids were about one and two, I was nursing them both and felt like I haven't stopped to think for nearly a year. I was touched out, stressed out and I realized that I was blaming the children. I resented my children. I would scream, "If we are a team, why are my needs always shit on, why does nobody care about what I want?" But in realizing this was my light bulb OH MY GOSH moment because, this was not my children's fault. This was my fault. I was not honoring my own space, I was willingly giving them whatever of myself whenever they asked . I gave them all my power, all my essence. I thought this was what being a mother was. But, you guys, I was wrong. What good would come of resenting my kids? What good would come of me giving everything away and waking up the next morning raw, touched out and angry? We all deserved better.

So I started making boundaries, I started speaking my needs and my throat chakra spun for the first time in....ever?

When Ezekiel asked to nurse (I still nursed Escher on demand, mostly) and I wasn't ready I would say "I am not going to give you milk right now, but how about we cuddle? How about you play with XYZ toy or how about a big hug?"  No more tugging on my shirt and me stopping everything no matter what. There were tears at first and I would say "I need you to respect my body. I am a person and my body belongs to me." This paved the way for many important lessons about body autonomy that without my boundaries, with my self martyrdom, would not have occurred.

It is essential to maintain a sense of self as a mother, especially a mother of young kids. You are still you, a different version perhaps, but that's the fun, growing up WITH your kid into another part of yourself,  discovering a new strength through hobbies. Follow your passions. This will do more for your children than sacrificing everything for your kids ever will. They will see you happy, they will see you as an individual, and believe me, they will begin to respect your boundaries when you are persistent and then build their own boundaries and it is a BEAUTIFUL thing.

You will be a mom forever, but you will be yourself even longer. If you continue to fill yourself and follow your bliss while the children grow, you won't have to face the absolute terrifying heartache when your kids grow up and move out of WHO AM I, WHAT GOOD AM I. You won't hate your kids for stealing your "good" years, for making decisions in life that YOU actually chose to make. You work together as individuals and you both grow.

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Abortion is not the end of life.

I wrote a post on facebook about this, but am called to go deeper, with all the judgments happening surrounding the Planned Parenthood decision and all the strong mamas who felt silently judged by the anti propaganda and contacted me to thank me for being a voice. http://www.marieclaire.com/politics/a15410/working-inside-planned-parenthood/

Please read it.

I have a Pro-life tattoo on my back. It was my first tattoo. It has my dad's footprints from the back of his birth certificate surrounded by flowers with a banner underneath. I love the tattoo, but I'm tired of the words.

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I have become so much more aware of how the spirit world works in these past 10 years. We are so much more than bodies. I believe that every soul chooses it's path and knows the outcome of their life before they choose their vessel, then we mostly forget when we actually get here. For some babies, they only came to give their mama some perspective. Sometimes they come in and spend their short times sending their mamas unconditional love during a very hard time, maybe it causes huge life shifts or just makes her feel better for a few weeks. This issue is not only the mom's decision, but the soul inside of her already knows. It's not their intention to be earthside. They have already made that decision before they chose her. The guilt and shame that people are "supposed" to feel with abortion is worse than anything. These are strong women in weak spots. I have been here, it's unimaginable. This issue is so much more than our ego or beliefs. The spirit world just doesn't work that way, it doesn't guilt or shame, there is higher perspective there. Instead of feeling like abortion is this repugnant, unimaginable horror like I once did, I spend my time sending love to the brave souls choosing short lives and the strong women housing them.

I understand where some people think they are coming from, a place of compassion and concern, but it's quiet narrow-sighted to believe one choice is right for anyone but them. There is so much more perspective that is not explored with a stance like that.

Your God doesn't live in my uterus. My God is the source of all light, SOURCE. Empowering me to make my decisions based on my own soul advancement. My lessons are not yours to learn and same with me for you.

Life does not end with abortion. The spirit world is so much bigger than that. Energy cannot be destroyed or created, only recycled and re-purposed. All is well. To think God is so small that that is the end of the story? God is in everything. Source is in that mama, in that baby, it was always the plan.

More support must be given to the women through these times and less judgement, because life is precious, after all. All I ask to drop your ego and really think about your beliefs, objectively.

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