Choose yourself. Yes, always.

I learn a lot from my kids, that is obvious. But this perspective hit me today.Choose yourself first. Yes, always.

You hear all the time "you can't pour from an empty cup."

But as a parent, it is so easy to care for everyone but you. Everybody has a need from sun up to sun down and you can go a week or more before you realize you exist too.

But kids. Kids choose themselves first. If you even see a child's reaction to not getting something they want immediately, you know this is true. They only choose themselves. And they STILL have room or make room to love so purely and unconditionally. They live and love with passion, they still love YOU. In a child's mind, living for other people is not an innate reaction, they meet all of their needs and have no problem asking for help if they need something they cannot make happen themselves.

This is how I want to live.

With knowing that addressing yourself first, especially as a mother, is not narcissistic. It is not selfish. It is completely 100% the opposite. It is NECESSARY.

Self Care is something that we have to remind ourselves of because it is taught out of us that out needs matter too. We function out of the dysfunction that has been ingrained in us. We must give, we must be selfless, we must sacrifice. We see where this has gotten us. Depression, run down, raw, angry, overwhelmed. We ARE empty and raw at the same time. Was this the goal? Have we made it to the pinnacle of those unconscious ideals? Yes. This is what it looks like to put others first. Living for other people, no matter how good your intentions, will destroy you.

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Look at the happiness in your children. From living only from the love they have for themselves and you and chicken nuggets and their favorite toy and and and and...

 

operating out of love instead of lack, out of confidence instead of insecurity.  This is how we all start, until we are lied to. That we aren't already enough. That we must DO or GIVE to be enough.

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Love. Self. Love. Is everything. You matter, you are everything. Treat yourself accordingly and your life will be magic. Ask me how I know....by watching my kids.

Before

Before I had my children I had the perfect body. 226375_10150289375558135_3872987_n Also, before I had children, I was no stranger to laying on the floor in the bathroom, ears ringing, cold sweats. Low blood sugar. From starving myself. I couldn't do much for too long, but god damn, I looked good doing it. That's what mattered.

After I had children, my body changed. But so did everything else. I began to give a shit about myself. And I started to gain weight. It was uncomfortable, but deep down, it felt right and that feeling of what was right was new for me, reguarding my looks because even though I was so cute on the outside, I was writhing on the inside. Self loathing. I was never sure of myself. I was the most self conscious person in any room. So much so that it triggered extreme anxiety. I would pick at my face for hours in the mirror, removing every single piece of skin and hiding every blemish. Being so mean to myself. I was so uncertain of every decision I made and uncertain.

Now I can carry 50 pounds (of any combination of my kids) for 8 hours. Now I can do one handed hand stands. Now I can do a lot of things for a long time because I am nit concerened who is staring at me, I am confident with every step, with every decision. I am strong. Because I chose to be nice to myself. I chose to make little changes, to see the beauty in myself. To see me in the way my partner does, the way my kids do. Unconditional love. Because I deserve it. And I don't have to work for it or look a certain way or be a certain way or do a certain thing. I am free. Because I am loved for my existence.

 

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