The importance of energy in parenting

When Ezekiel was around 18 months, life got really hard. Night terrors, sleep paralysis, fear...

I was so exhausted from staying up all night. Waking up to screaming, then Z waking Escher up, who then wanted to also nurse.

I got a lot of really unhelpful advice.

"It's a phase"

"Makes sense with the age."

"You just had a baby, right? That's probably it."

"It'll pass"

"My kid is the same, it's just how it is."

 

But I knew it was more. I knew that something was wrong.

So I started looking places that weren't so obvious. Instead of choosing to have sleep studies, like everyone suggested. That didn't feel right. But I knew something was deeply wrong.

So I saw a psychic. And my life pretty much really began.

Z was having these issues not because of age or brain function or troubles with little brother or self worth, but Z was being tormented by things I could not see.

Children are so in tune with what we have been taught to forget. They have a very thin veil between this 3d reality and every other space and time known to existence.

That makes them easy targets for torment. It makes them easy targets for spirits whose only job is to terrify, because it goes unnoticed. Unchecked. Unidentified.

It gets labeled as an age thing, it gets labeled as monsters under the bed. Wild imagination. But it is as real as you or I.

The reason this changes with age is because children learn to brick and mortar that connection. They shut their magic off. And it is not until much later in life that they will learn to take down that wall, that they must to become fully themselves.

Because there is a portion of their power that will always lie behind that wall. Calling to come home.

Listening to children is essential. Not making a joke about what terrifies them. Trusting yourself when something doesn't feel right.

For Ezekiel what it felt like when experiencing those night terrors was being caught in a vortex, so far from me, even though I was right there.

I could see that distance in Ezekiel's eyes during those episodes and it was terrifying. No one understood. How could I even explain?

 

Children feel what we refuse to. I was also struggling with seeing and feeling things that were not considered normal for being a person on earth.

 It affected me, made me second guess myself. But the impact that had on Z was horrific.

Imagine if I would have just chosen to medicate. Or self resolve. Or yell at Z because I was just too tired. Ezekiel would have gotten further and further from me. To a very dark place and part of Ezekiel would have stayed there until Z found that part again.

Living life angry, disconnected, confused denying a huge part of self.

But I trusted myself. I got help. I helped myself. And I helped Ezekiel.

The language of energy is so important in raising your children. I don't want to imagine the mother I would have had to become if I would have chosen to ignore it.

 

Because I didn't. And I am here today, confident. Deeply knowing myself so I can deeply know my kids. I am so thankful.

We don't raise boys until they are men.

There is something I have noticed when my third child is on the play ground that has lead way to a deeper theory.

On days where Eponine, who is 15 months is dressed in more boyish attire, as society categorizes things, people and children are more hands off, they leave her alone completely, she is free to explore and even climb up the slide, scandalous.

But when she is seen as female, oh my gosh, she can't go anywhere without another kid holding her hand, helping her up the stairs, parents asking "Whos baby is this?!" when she is exploring, the care for her "delicacy" is increased 100 fold.

And aside from the polar opposition and lack of balance I these social norms. It hit me. We don't raise boys. We enter them in battle dome and encourage assertion, aggression. We don't lay forth the intricacies of emotion. We don't bring attention to the subtle nuances of the behavior of others. We don't raise boys. We leave them alone and pretend they have it handled. We even have a saying for it, most often with shrugged shoulders and hands in the air. "Boys will be boys" because we don't hold them accountable we don't teach them.

And so they become angry and scared and feel like they need to have it all together with little guidance. They grow to believe they are strong, that they must prove themselves, that they have power over other people, femme people. And this is rooted in such toxicity and sexism, from birth.

Until.

The magical number, 18. Okay. You know all there is to know, my son, go forth and find a mate and this is where shit gets real because this is where they gain their first parent.

The girlfriend. The wife. Has been conditioned to raise the man. To change him.

To carry the years of trauma and unpack that bag for him while packing his lunch the night before.

We are expected to raise our partners. Because they have never once been challenged. They have never once been handed a key to the inner workings of who they are. So they are angry. Unhinged. Often abusive. But girls have been groomed for this. To take this on and try and parent these grown men.

Because they have remained untouched and monitored by the whole of society all their lives.

We see this play out on TV, in our own lives, I can think of at least 10 men I was made to parent in my adulthood. Because we don't parent boys. We leave them be until we are their wives and partners and try to undo all of this damage.

This has to stop.

This is a complex issue, but I believe it is so woven into the fabric of society and one of the main factors of toxic masculinity. You can see how broken a person would be when they are left alone so long. We are training them to abuse themselves and the world around them.

Continuing this cycle.

We must stop grooming our girls to raise our men.

To accept abuse as love.

The path the sovereignty, to unconditional love is long when you are buried under so much conditioning. This is why I do what I do, to guide us all into ourselves so we can be better from the start.

 

Raise children the same way, with compassion, emotion, respect for who they already are. The seed contains the entire tree and we must do our part to guide them.

 

perceived problems

I wanted to share with you something that happened between Escher (4) and Ezekiel (6) just now.

Escher had been looking for the tablets but he's Greg so couldn't find it (truth laugh) Ezekiel found it sometime later, causing a fight over the tablet. *PUSH PULL PUSH PULL*
Me: heyyyy, what's going on here? *I grab the tablet*

Escher and Ezekiel at once:
Z: I found it!
Escher: I was looking for it

Me: yo, Escher was looking for it all morning. *hands tablet to Escher*

Ezekiel: *cries*

"HE PROMISED I COULD WATCH A SHOW. HE PROMISED AND HE BROKE A PROMISE!!!"

Me: come here. *holds* there are no problems. So let's find a solution. What is your perceived problem?

Ezekiel: "escher didn't keep a promise"

Me: is it that escher didn't keep a promise orrrr that you don't get to watch a show? Get to the bottom, not the symptom.

Z: *crying* I wanna watch a showwwww

Me: okay, take a breath. Breathe. The things you say matter, there are no problems, only problematic thoughts about an issue. Especially in this house. Only solutions. I care about the things that are happening in your life, I care about the things you say and what you are going through. Breathe and release escher from this "problem" you don't need to drag him into your process. You putting it on him distracts you from making your own solutions. Bye Escher! Okay, now you are free to address the actual issue. You wanna watch a show. So. What can you do to make that a reality?

Z: *points to big tv*

Me: yes! Great! That's a solution! Now what?

Z: *a little exasperated* I dunno, ugh!

Me: you ask me that's it!

Z: smiles. *Wipes hair out of tear stained face* oh, haha. Yeah! "Can I watch a show, mom?"

Me: if course you can!

Z: *giggles. Hugs.* I love you mom.

This plays out in so many ways in everyone's lives over and over and over.

let's get to solution mindset and wade past all the noise of symptoms...

Get down to the perceived problem. Pointing to a sibling is usually only a symptom of the real perceived issue. We must become masters of emotion. Which means we have to work through our own and all the symptoms to our own bigger stuff.