I wanted to share with you something that happened between Escher (4) and Ezekiel (6) just now.
Escher had been looking for the tablets but he's Greg so couldn't find it (truth laugh) Ezekiel found it sometime later, causing a fight over the tablet. *PUSH PULL PUSH PULL*
Me: heyyyy, what's going on here? *I grab the tablet*
Escher and Ezekiel at once:
Z: I found it!
Escher: I was looking for it
Me: yo, Escher was looking for it all morning. *hands tablet to Escher*
"HE PROMISED I COULD WATCH A SHOW. HE PROMISED AND HE BROKE A PROMISE!!!"
Me: come here. *holds* there are no problems. So let's find a solution. What is your perceived problem?
Ezekiel: "escher didn't keep a promise"
Me: is it that escher didn't keep a promise orrrr that you don't get to watch a show? Get to the bottom, not the symptom.
Z: *crying* I wanna watch a showwwww
Me: okay, take a breath. Breathe. The things you say matter, there are no problems, only problematic thoughts about an issue. Especially in this house. Only solutions. I care about the things that are happening in your life, I care about the things you say and what you are going through. Breathe and release escher from this "problem" you don't need to drag him into your process. You putting it on him distracts you from making your own solutions. Bye Escher! Okay, now you are free to address the actual issue. You wanna watch a show. So. What can you do to make that a reality?
Z: *points to big tv*
Me: yes! Great! That's a solution! Now what?
Z: *a little exasperated* I dunno, ugh!
Me: you ask me that's it!
Z: smiles. *Wipes hair out of tear stained face* oh, haha. Yeah! "Can I watch a show, mom?"
Me: if course you can!
Z: *giggles. Hugs.* I love you mom.
This plays out in so many ways in everyone's lives over and over and over.
let's get to solution mindset and wade past all the noise of symptoms...
Get down to the perceived problem. Pointing to a sibling is usually only a symptom of the real perceived issue. We must become masters of emotion. Which means we have to work through our own and all the symptoms to our own bigger stuff.