Do it Afraid.

I understand that it is hard to make changes. I understand that your normal is still your normal no matter how toxic it is and how much it hurts you. It's the fear of what next, it's the fear of failure, it's the fear of leaving things that make you comfortable. "I will never find anyone to love me as a single mom" "I'll never make it on my own" and other lies we tell ourselves. It comes down to fear and not thinking we don't deserve any better. The cycle of dysfunction in a relationship, the "Only every 6 months he drinks too much and spirals out of control." or "only about once a month, we fight like that.....I can handle  once a year, once a month, once a week." The cycle that will never stop unless you decide you want off the ride. There is a quote I love “Sometimes...fear does not subside must choose to do it afraid.”

Choose to do it afraid. You are worth more than those friends who talk about you behind your back, you are worth more than your mother or family member doing things for you just to get things in return, you are WORTH MORE. And you don't owe anyone for being nice to you, People are their own sovereign beings and they have the power to do things because they choose too, you do not owe them. YOU DO NOT OWE THEM.

You are not chained to relationships just because they helped you through hard times years ago. We attract people into our lives for a purpose, sometimes the purpose is short lived and it is time to release. You are not obligated to continue to drain yourself for something that is no longer working. If your relationships do not grow and change and serve who you are NOW, it is okay to honor (I thank you for all the things you have shown me, I thank you for the lessons and the good times.) and release.

And this isn't just about relationships, it's about anything in your life. Believing you are worthy is no small task, when you have been in these cycles, when you have grown up believing the opposite. But it is also not impossible.


Finding motivation for change:

If you don't want to break the cycle for you, do it for someone you love, or even imagine someone you love while you do it. You would not want this life for your daughter, niece, son, cat, dog, so, imagine that you are them. Make decisions while thinking of them and use it to find your strength.

Positive Affirmations:

Speak life into yourself. It's okay if you don't believe it at first, but stay consistent and I promise you will notice a difference. You have been downing yourself for years, so why not try something new? "I am worthy of love" "I deserve love because I exist." "I am strong and capable." "I can do anything I put my mind to." "I deserve a life I love." Into the mirror. All day long. To yourself. This calls attention to your speech. This wakes you up and holds you accountable for the things you say. Replace the "I can't" The  "I'm so stupid" With words of love. Refuse to bully yourself. "I am smart." "It's okay to make mistakes."


It is essential to create boundaries in your life and it is even more essential to require that the people in your life respect those boundaries. Find your voice. "No, actually that's not okay." "I would prefer if you didn't" Be an advocate for yourself. This is will feel uncomfortable at first, do it anyway. Once you establish boundaries, you are opening up the fact that you DO matter. You are speaking your needs and people will eventually hear you or they will not be allowed in your life. It's a process, start small, create your new comfort zone brick by brick.

Change is hard, it's uncomfortable, it's terrifying, but you are worth it. You really do deserve a life that you love and it is absolutely possible.





This week I have had several friends contact me about being in old head spaces and falling into old patterns. This can be really discouraging, to think that you have come so far and feel so fragile. But let me tell you, you are strong and this doesn't mean you are any less far along or any less of a warrior. Going through something traumatic, no matter what it is, is like having a part of yourself stuck in that moment forever, or at least until healing happens. Long after the event is over, know and unknown triggers occur, placing you in that exact moment over and over and over again. Every part of your brain and body believes it is back in that moment goes back into survival mode. This was my life for a long time, the triggers got so bad, the panic attacks took over my life. I didn't leave my house and if I did, it was hell.

It's hard to imagine myself as that person again, it's been a long journey. I stand before you completely trigger free, no longer trapped in those moments. I took my power back from the people/places/things who stole it from me.



I found key to overcoming a panic attack is to let myself know I was NOT back there by affirming "This is a new day, one I have never lived before. I am a new person. I will never be back in that space again." Over and over and over with every breathe.

Another important thing to do is cut the energetic cord that attaches you to that moment. This can be done a number of ways, but I use visualization. Imagine a cord from my body to the event. I separate the cord into two. One is everything that continues to serve me. The other is everything that drains and harms me. I imagine a great sword severing the second cord and sealing off the end. This can also be done with people and relationships. It is important to always send whatever it is on the other side of the severed cord love and light, so they no longer feel a need to reattach. After this process I say out loud "And so it is." it's pretty simple, it works and it's changed my life.

I am a powerful force, I am not a victim, I am strong. And so are you.


Love to you.