Life and time to build a new one, little bitch.

 

People tend to shift blame if something in their life doesn't look or feel good to them. That's immediately easier than other, healthy options.

 

In parenting, it's easy to blame children for things that aren't their fault.

 

A few years ago, I got really attached to the idea of going back to my previous career as a dog groomer, I was thinking constantly how I could walk into any grooming shop, test and get a job right on the spot.

But I would get agitated at the idea of having to put the kids in daycare, then what would be the point of working, with little take home financially.

Instead of broadening my options, I used my children as a reason I could not work.

That was not even fucking true.

But I made it true.

What I eventually understood was that -I- needed to shift my perspective, reach into my toolbox and help myself out of feeling sorry for myself.

I needed to develop my passions and seek an inclusive career.

That felt harder than complaining.

But I shifted any way and now I can realize how much harder blaming my kids for something that was not their fault and the resentment that was slowly growing as a result was for my mental health, for our relationship.

That is the type of difficult I no longer tolerate.

Another example is when I was caught up in the idea of how much "easier" little things would be if I could do them alone, something that, with a partner that is often on 80+ hour work weeks, was not available to me.

Going to the grocery store,

popping in a shop, real quick,

getting in the car.

Literally anything, little things.

Dinner prep.

Living unscripted,

going to a show,

hanging out with friends without having to arrange a sitter.

It got really bad, I got really bad, investing into this timeline that wasn't even real.

I was making myself absolutely miserable by focusing on this shit.

This was not going to be.

So why in the fuck was I so determined to bring it up in my mind?

Once again, I needed to shift my perspective with what I had.

I pulled my thoughts back into reality.

I had a meeting with myself to wake up, but while being gentle.

Having small kids can be hard with the tools society gives you.

The expectation that it's hard. Does it have to be?

I was convinced it did for a while too.

But I no longer buy into the idea that life is hard and the only way I can function is coffee in the mornings and wine in the evenings.

I looked at what I -could- do. How I could set myself up for success and include my children into my dream life.

From easy things like picking our outfits out the day before, to making sure everyone was fed, needs met before I was like "LET'S DO SOMETHING SPONTANEOUS!"

Planned chaos.

To calling myself out.

To being like "What are you doing!?"

YOU. And only YOU need to change your mind.

You need to focus on all the ways your children help you.

How you have grown.

How you have beautifully shifted.

Become stronger and better because of them.

Not microscope and complain how you CaN't HaV tHe LiFe you had before.

Build a new one, little bitch.

So I did.

I decided that my children always AND ONLY call me to be better.

So if there was something I was missing, I restructured to include them, or I decided that I didn't need it in the new life we were going to create.

I moved on and I stopped blaming my children for my choices. These were my choices and it took some painful awareness to figure it out. It took peeling back layers of mothering, society, myself, limiting beliefs. It took closing doors and building boundaries and leaving a collective thought of how mothers "have to" exist in the world.

But it's the best fucking thing I have ever done. My kids are my best friends, we spend our days and weeks and months co creating. No resentment any more. No "IF ONLY"

Just, life. Right now.

Perception.

Perception is everything. They know in Science that the observer creates the outcome and different outcomes arise in just choosing a different observer. You have two people looking at the same picture, reading the same quote and they will come up with reactions based on their perceptions of the world, the filter they choose to look through. This is a result of their childhood, their beliefs, how they feel about themselves, etc. Good or bad, useful or not, we are a sum of a collection of ideas we have allowed ourselves to believe, true or not. What makes it true is that you believe it is. What is true is there is no universal truth for this reason. Nothing is black and white, we all see the world in a unique way and it's a beautiful thing if we allow it to be, but we see anything different as wrong, which is the genesis of most problems in groups, marriages, relationships, societies. Lack of communication and the dismissal of perspective, not seeing it as different colors that make up a beautiful painting, but the idea that different is wrong. It is completely up to you if you want to engage and listen to someone else's perception based on their life experience or just walk away and disengage. Both are okay. Your energy is for you and you may spend or conserve it in any way you see fit. I recently shared a quote, as a writer, that's what I do, I use my words to bring forth new perspective. I said "How can you ever say anything negative about your body after you have felt the dancing of life from inside your womb?" From MY perspective it was simply an invitation to look at the process of pregnancy in a new way, to embrace your power instead of focusing on the ways you feel or anyone as made you feel like you failed. And a lot of others saw that too, but it was interesting to also see "It's my body, I can feel how I want about it......Don't tell me how to feel!" Which of course, if you know me, I am all about doing what you want! If self loathing serves or empowers you, then, have at it, this is your human experience! But I didn't think all that would fit in the meme and may have taken away some of the core message.

People like to be justified in the things they think, even if it hurts them. Cognitive Dissonance. I know I trigger people, that has been my life experience. I have spent years in silence, keeping myself in check, to hide my light, my gifts, my message, so I don't offend people. I love the opportunity to share a different perspective. I know what is right for me and if it resonates with you, beautiful! I also realize Perception. I also realize the perspective I have may not make sense to you through your filter and that is okay, live your truth! As I tell my kids, you can do whatever you want as long as you are respecting the boundaries of others.

I write about my life because that is my experience. I write from my perspective because that is my experience. That is what is beautiful about writing, I collect old words and arrange them in a way that no one ever has because no one has ever been me. I only bring my perspective, not my demands. Do what truly serves you not holds you to your suffering.

-Amethyst Joy

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