What services do I offer that could help you?

 

Miscarriage, child loss and grief support:
We can get down to why and where the soul of your baby is. We can shift from shame, guilt and uncertainty to empowerment, new perspective and healing. Navigating guilt and consciously grieving yourself into health with tools thay nourish your soul and heal your body.

Authentic self connection: do you feel overwhelmed, lost, broken? Not living up to your potential, catering to the whims of everyone around you? Self esteem issues and self loathing? Feel forgotten in your own story? Well not any more. I speak to who you truly are, get down to the reasons you yourself came to earth. Learning to self parent and love yourself. I locate the tools you brought with you and we move up from pain to a perspective of love and truth. 

Self Love: Before we chose this life, we wrote a contract or a "roadmap' that contains info about who you chose to be, what you chose to do and who you chose to meet. We even choose our bodies! I am able to find and read your road map, which is invaluable for limitless reasons. If you would like a roadmap reading, specify at check out. Even specific questions like "why did I choose my body?' 'why did I choose my parents?" "what is coming up for me in the near future?" Keeping in mind that we all have free will and can dissolve contracts that we feel no longer serve us.

Children and parenting: The relationship between you and your child is one birthed from before you were. Find out why they chose you, how to hold space for the essence of who they are to feel supported and loved. See how it shifts your dynamic to pure, unconditional love and partnership as it was intended before society placed on you unhealthy parenting advice. Blow it all away in a way that truly serves all of you. (Personalized Parenting Advice and Energetic Assessment)

Relationships: get to the root of problems instead of wading through symptoms and hurt feelings. See the energetic exchange of your relationship. What is the give and take and what are you getting out of it if is a dynamic that doesn't serve who you are? How can I best prepare to leave? How can I make this work? Show my partner that I do love them? Let's make a plan.

Spirit baby and pregnancy support:
Knowing my daughter before I birthed her was everything. I had the birth space set up perfectly to her requests. I know what she needs before she needs it. I am so energetically in tune to her needs that she does not have to cry and I don't have to cry wondering what I'm doing wrong. I want to provide this from the beginning, the freedom of a smooth 4th trimester. Support for the soul who has chosen you.

This is just what is under the "READING" umbrella, a few examples of where I am being called to cater to the collective. If you don't see your struggle but are wanting help, just ask. I can hold your hand through anything and make a custom plan. Healing. True, authentic healing of hearts. Plans in moving forward, free.

https://www.amethystjoy.com/createyourlife/reading

Conscious Grief

   

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"She was a genius of sadness, immersing herself in it, separating its numerous strands, appreciating its subtle nuances. She was a prism through which sadness could be divided into its infinite spectrum."

 

The months that followed my miscarriage were challenging, enlightening, painful and descriptives upon descriptives. I am no stranger to grief, but this was profoundly different, even with having a pretty in depth understanding of soul purpose and journeys, I was left paralyzed some days. Because grief is a roller coaster and very very sneaky.

Throughout my grief excursion, I wrote. Because that is what I do, so I will share that with you here. It doesn't matter the type of grieving you are going through, I know mine had to do with so much more than one issue. Losing friends, losing myself, it was all grief.

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Forgiveness. Forgiveness of self. Forgiveness in miscarriage. Loving yourself through grief. Women tend to carry an amount of shame and guilt and I even felt a sense of greed. "I already have two kids, it was selfish of me to want more." And FUCK ALL OF THAT. Because it's lies. It's important to go through the process: the anger, the sadness, to really feel it. It's also important to know that it's safe to release it, too. Realize those emotions don't serve us well as protection, they weigh us down. It's been a daily battle for me. The only emotion that serves us and our babies memories is love.

Its okay to forgive yourself. Forgive your body. Release.

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Can we be okay with feeling sad? Can we be okay with doing and feeling things we are told are destructive and unacceptable? Well, turns out, we don't need permission. I'm going to feel this at my comfort level and do what I want to get through this unbearable feeling. But I'm going to fucking feel it.

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It's getting calmer now, the wind. Pull it pushes back again. Scream into and carries away. No one wanted to hear it anyway. Swirling wisps of energy, moving feelings all around me. Not good or bad just is. Is. Is. Pull it pushes back again. Calmer now.

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My eyes are glossed over, I'm just trying to exist. Grief is a toddler's scribbles, going here and everywhere, off the paper and onto the table. Sometimes on the walls, spreading down the halls. You find some in a drawer sometimes or on your favorite shoes.

Magic eraser, scrub, scrub, scrub.

Where did I put that pen...shit. there it is. Inked all on the brand new couch.

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Witnessing lovely things with despondent eyes. I take note of it's beauty but I cannot bring myself to celebrate. Maybe tomorrow will feel better in my bones. But today grief has burrowed and settled into the marrow. Ultimate entanglement.

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"Lift me from this floor... If I can't walk, I'll crawl to love" -Saul Williams

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The spiritual journey is a series of grieving. Grieving is growing, nothing shows you strength like grief. It's mourning the loss of old habits, of comfort zones and of the people that aren't ready to go/grow with you. Honor them and their role in your journey, send love, mourn and move on.

We've been taught to resist the things that don't feel good instead of feel them. We build walls, we get stuck, we give our power to our pain, to our anger. But Grieve. Grieve well, grieve messy, feel your feelings, be gentle with yourself, talk about it, seek help, recluse, be present. It's all okay.

 

 

 

Waiting.

I had an ultrasound last Friday, I didn't really want to go but it was ordered by my midwife...so I was like...sure. Just a simple dating scan, no big deal.  

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Except it was a really big deal, because I was 12 weeks and they couldn't find a heartbeat and my nearly second trimester uterus was a carrying a very small baby. I was frozen and shocked and an entire thesaurus of both those things.  Maybe the dating was just off, I assured myself as I had to pull over and weep and panic attack.

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The waiting was the worst part:

Every small feeling is a painful reminder of what's there...or what isn't. Every twinge, every pull is more emotionally painful than the last. Not knowing is the hardest thing. Will this end up in tears of joy or despair.

Then Wednesday the blood started and hope was ripped from my white knuckles. Seeing part of your baby on bits of toilet paper is a sight that is absolutely indescribable.  I am being graphic here because this is what miscarriage looks like. It's not a secret and it needs to be talked about. It's sobbing every minute, it's your three old old trying to comfort you "Everything will be okay, mom. Try and take a deep breathe with me." It's falling apart. And that is okay.

Even with having an understanding of soul and knowing that this is NOT THE END...even with knowing that, this is hard.

I had a confirmation ultrasound today. I had a team of people with me. Thank you Matty, Reese and Gracie. I could not have done today without you.

Poppy said (when Reese was able to connect into her energy) that when she was with me in her human form, she realized that she was selfish, she knew that Escher wasn't ready and essentially said "deal with it." She had a very short human experience yet she gained so much knowledge and passed so much to me. She simply made a different decision...because sometimes miscarriage looks like that, too. A different soul decision, "I'll see you later when the time is right mom, but not right now."

No shame, no guilt, no what ifs...This is what life looks like now. And for a little while longer it will be filled with tears and sadness, but not forever.

See you later, Little Girl.

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I don't want to fall asleep unless I dream of you. Please let it be true that I will hold you someday. Until then, my heart yearns.

Waiting,

Mama"

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