Yeah, I chose my narcissistic mom.

We don't always choose our parents because of rainbows and butterflies. Sometimes we plan knowing full well that our parents won't choose their authentic and whole selves. Especially as healers, who often need to acquire trauma, learn from it, heal from it and share our medicine, in the most empowered way.

The main question I get is "why would a child choose an abusive parent?"

And the answers are are vast as humans are individual.

I wouldn't know without reading their specific life path and soul needs.

But generally, here is why:

Children don't start out as we see them in our society, helpless and incapable.

They begin as limitless energy, close to source; all that is possible. They have a perspective that we cannot imagine because, we have forgotten over the years, for many reasons.

When we are setting goals for our lifetimes, we see many outcomes, we see what we need and how we need to get it, there is one thing though, that we forget while we are in this planning phase. And that's human emotion. We see this plan as a map to success for our soul growth, we do not see sadness, we do not see the terrible trauma we may have to carry for a while, because the perspective is higher than what we have to work with on earth. We forget social constructs and how poverty and capitalism is detrimental and draining, because when we are energy, all of that seems so insignificant. We are just planning. We are just setting us up for success.

So we add things to our path that seem horrible and hard to us as humans. Then we forget we ever did that and the general belief here on earth is that it's insane that we could even ever make a plan (how is that working for you, heh) , especially when it feels this bad.

But. It's all for growth.

So sometimes we choose dynamics that are hard. Because of the person we become when we are healed from them.

I chose my family of origin because I needed to be deeply in tune with how it feels to be voiceless, so I know how to navigate that darkness. I chose a mother that was always right. That was narcissistic and controlling. I chose a religious culture that stomped out my voice, I chose a path where I was meant to sit down and shut up. Because I needed to grow my voice big and loud and confident and I needed to grow up and leave and have my world fall apart in order to create everything I have now. Yes, I chose my narcissistic mother. Because of who I had to be after I healed. After I let go of her. After I had carried trauma and released it.

We just forget the release part. And it's time to remember who you are and why you came here. Because it was a choice. We are all empowered to choose different at any time, our brains and fear and the boxes we are placed in make that difficult to believe, but it’s true.

It's time to get in touch with your unchanging voice, the one we always carry but lose an ear for. It's still there.

Through my years as an energy reader, I have seen so many fascinating familial connections, family trauma, generational curses and family's that WORK, ones who are sovereign and full of unconditional love, ones struggling and lost, it has been the adventure of a lifetime to see how connections look, were meant to look and where to go from here.

If you want to know your path, roadmap or questions about your dynamic for growth, book a reading!

the point is, we all have free will, trauma makes people behave in a certain way for protection, we can work through that, or not. And life responds. While we may have hope and intention to deeply connect to who our parents are so they can deeply connect to us, it doesn’t always work out that way, there was glimpses when I saw my mother being authentic growing up, she was a vibrant, fun, intuitive person in those snapshots, but that wasn’t what she chose. And that is okay, because I chose to overcome, to shift perspective and see my own strength.

It doesn’t look or feel lovely and great when we look around at shattered families full of abuse, it’s confusing and awful, but when I can read the code to my own experience, it makes me feel powerful, I am steering this ship and going exactly where I always intended to.