My empathy was long misdirected as "fixing". I needed to FIX everything, one of the problems with that, is I would put my own filter on what everyone else's life needed to look like in order to be happy. Instead of loving people where they were, my romantic relationships were based on reaching down and picking someone up, I thought that was love. I realize now that it was everything but unconditional. I would get into these relationships and cry WHY ME when they wouldn't meet my needs. Truth is, they never could...and I knew that, but I thought I could FIX them.
I spent time after time feeling like a victim. And that was not correct. I chose to be with a person that I knew could not match what I needed. At the same time, relationships are ALWAYS a mirror of how you love yourself. Always. Like a whale calls to her pod, you attract people by the vibration you emit, your ENERGETIC matches are drawn to you. Energy never lies, that is why it is so important to love yourself first.
I truly didn't experience unconditional love until I had my son, and I realized I HAD NOT GIVEN IT until then.
When you look at everyone with the filter that I had, the filter of religion, I was very judgmental without knowing I was. I thought my way of living was RIGHT and therefore every other way ws wrong. You needed to live like me to be truly happy.
Truth is, I spent a lot of the time absolutely miserable. I recently read a quote that said "It is only your ego that thinks someone will change because of you" I needed to hear that at 12 years old. It's not my job or place to be the rescuer or martyr and only lately am I realizing how wrong and patronizing that was.(sorry ex husband) People need to be loved exactly where they are, they don't need to lead to water, they need to find it on their own, or maybe it's their journey to not find it at all in this life, it doesn't matter. What matters is ME living genuinely and just being myself. That will draw passion out of people, that will draw them closer to their authentic selves.
watching my sister date has been a true joy. She lives unabashedly and realizes every painful goodbye is not actually painful at all, it is GROWTH. It's okay that people part, it's okay that they choose different. Its beautiful, even.
While you are with someone, just love them. Give them a place to feel safe and wild, to be free. That is our only job with any human encounter. that's it.
As always, take what resonates with you and leave the rest, we are not victim to a big bad world that we need to be censored from as not to be tainted. I m the motherfucking universe and I will decide what defines me <3