How could you do that, how could you be so stupid? If you find yourself asking your partner, your kids, your whoever these questions, you are part of the problem. I know, it's shitty to hear, but it's true.It automatically puts them on the defense, it fuels the need to put walls up and be "right" and it won't produce any fruitful or productive answers. It's time to change your dialog. To elevate the conversation into a space where healing takes place and answers can be found. "You messed up. What are you going to do to fix it?" This eliminates the blame game. It calls a thing a thing and presents itself for what it is. It puts the focus on solution instead of back and forth, unhelpful banter.
Whenever you get more than one person into a space for an extended amount of time, like in a relationship, for example. There will be disagreements because you are setting up people on the same path but equipped with different life experience, different tool boxes, different coping mechanisms, etc. They will not deal with the same situation in the same way, once we can realize this and see it for what it is, fighting becomes communication, becomes appreciation, becomes a fruitful partnership. Feeling and expressing all your feelings is important, holding space for your partner while they feel feelings, feeling feelings together without blame, shame or being an asshole will change the way you interact in a positive way. When we cease to see "your side; my side" and instead look at things objectively, working together building on the others skills, helping with weaknesses, everybody wins.
Partnership doesn't just apply to a significant other, but allrelationships in our lives, every encounter. How can you elevate your relationships today?