Get well, no really.

I found Ezekiel laying in bed,  I asked if I could come up or if some alone time was needed.

Z: "You can come up here with me."

Me: "So, what's up, Z?"

Z: "I'm just feeling really sad."

Me: "It's okay to feel sad. Sadness is an incredibly helpful tool to connect us to ourselves and let's us know that we need to take a pause."

Z: "well, do ya know what would make me feel better? Watching a show would make me feel better."

Me: *big sigh* I have to sit with myself before I calmly respond.

"Ezekiel, the tv doesn't exist to solve your problems. It is not for distraction from our sadness or unpleasant emotions. You know what does exist to help you feel better? You. You exist to navigate these feelings, you exist to sit with that feeling of sadness and work through it. And that's why I'm here too! To help you with the heavy, hard emotions. We can talk if you ever need, I'm here.  And when you feel better, when you have felt and released and sat and cried and taken a breath, you can watch all the tv you want."

Z: "okay mom, I can do that, I need a hug."

*hug*


This exchange is a big deal. I am not willing to do whatever it takes to stop Ezekiel from being sad. I am willing to do what it takes to navigate emotions. Vices don't exist to heal us, only we can do that. When using vices, we get by, but we don't get well. We shift addiction, we hope our problems pass us by, and time does, but we remain sick. And sad. And stuck.

And I'm so sorry for when your parents couldn't, I'm so sorry for when they didn't. But it's up to us now, to get well. To be authentically well and connect to our children to keep them well. Not MAKE them well, because children are born well. But to show them emotional health, walk with them when it's hard, heal our own trauma. It's up to us now.

 

Continue To Choose



We all make choices, it is important to fall in love with every choice we make, but also being mindful, that we don't just make a decision about what shapes our lives, who we surround ourselves with, once or twice in life. We have to continue to choose it. That partner, job, mom group, relationship. These are the choices that shape the world around us.

Continuing to choose with our actions, words, intention and by our other small choices that ripple into bigger picture choices.

We must be mindful, as you grow and shift, you need re-evaluate these choices, you can stop choosing and redirect your life.

It is imperative that we also let go. Dragging an old friend around because they did a lot for you during a difficult season is not serving either of you if the relationship is not life giving. Choose different, participate in your life. Look out for future you, continue to choose in all aspects of your life, this is how we all get well.

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Choose yourself. Yes, always.

I learn a lot from my kids, that is obvious. But this perspective hit me today.Choose yourself first. Yes, always.

You hear all the time "you can't pour from an empty cup."

But as a parent, it is so easy to care for everyone but you. Everybody has a need from sun up to sun down and you can go a week or more before you realize you exist too.

But kids. Kids choose themselves first. If you even see a child's reaction to not getting something they want immediately, you know this is true. They only choose themselves. And they STILL have room or make room to love so purely and unconditionally. They live and love with passion, they still love YOU. In a child's mind, living for other people is not an innate reaction, they meet all of their needs and have no problem asking for help if they need something they cannot make happen themselves.

This is how I want to live.

With knowing that addressing yourself first, especially as a mother, is not narcissistic. It is not selfish. It is completely 100% the opposite. It is NECESSARY.

Self Care is something that we have to remind ourselves of because it is taught out of us that out needs matter too. We function out of the dysfunction that has been ingrained in us. We must give, we must be selfless, we must sacrifice. We see where this has gotten us. Depression, run down, raw, angry, overwhelmed. We ARE empty and raw at the same time. Was this the goal? Have we made it to the pinnacle of those unconscious ideals? Yes. This is what it looks like to put others first. Living for other people, no matter how good your intentions, will destroy you.

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Look at the happiness in your children. From living only from the love they have for themselves and you and chicken nuggets and their favorite toy and and and and...

 

operating out of love instead of lack, out of confidence instead of insecurity.  This is how we all start, until we are lied to. That we aren't already enough. That we must DO or GIVE to be enough.

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Love. Self. Love. Is everything. You matter, you are everything. Treat yourself accordingly and your life will be magic. Ask me how I know....by watching my kids.

Before

Before I had my children I had the perfect body. 226375_10150289375558135_3872987_n Also, before I had children, I was no stranger to laying on the floor in the bathroom, ears ringing, cold sweats. Low blood sugar. From starving myself. I couldn't do much for too long, but god damn, I looked good doing it. That's what mattered.

After I had children, my body changed. But so did everything else. I began to give a shit about myself. And I started to gain weight. It was uncomfortable, but deep down, it felt right and that feeling of what was right was new for me, reguarding my looks because even though I was so cute on the outside, I was writhing on the inside. Self loathing. I was never sure of myself. I was the most self conscious person in any room. So much so that it triggered extreme anxiety. I would pick at my face for hours in the mirror, removing every single piece of skin and hiding every blemish. Being so mean to myself. I was so uncertain of every decision I made and uncertain.

Now I can carry 50 pounds (of any combination of my kids) for 8 hours. Now I can do one handed hand stands. Now I can do a lot of things for a long time because I am nit concerened who is staring at me, I am confident with every step, with every decision. I am strong. Because I chose to be nice to myself. I chose to make little changes, to see the beauty in myself. To see me in the way my partner does, the way my kids do. Unconditional love. Because I deserve it. And I don't have to work for it or look a certain way or be a certain way or do a certain thing. I am free. Because I am loved for my existence.

 

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Me, Myself, and I

Recently one of my mentors said "I don't do the things I do for the praise or the criticism, I do it because I love it."This was a light bulb moment for me.

For example:  I am aware that I post a lot on social media, and sometimes I feel like I have to check my intentions, to keep myself in check, I am also aware that I have done the work to be able to have this ability to introspect. I do what I do because I love to do it.

There have been times where I have been accused of only surrounding myself with people that agree with me, I realize this stems from societies religious roots. We are broken, we need accountability. But what people don't realize, it that I have done the work to know that how I live is 100% right for me. I don't need anyone to tell me that, let alone someone to NOT tell me that. Why would I have people in my life that don't see I am capable of running it how I want? I don't need your input, I have my own. I don't need to seek answers outside of myself. I do not need answers, I am a sovereign, self propelled universe. I have people in my circle, of course, but the only person's opinion that I need of myself is...myself. I am smart, I am intuitive and nobody knows what is best for me but me.

Once upon a time, I bought into the glorification of self loathing, the idea that if you took selfies and thought you were gorgeous you were vain and prideful. Even those "I ❤ me" shirts were just outrageous to my mom (and then of course to me too at the time) But let me tell you, NO. MORE. I will love myself enough for everyone. I will be vain and prideful and I will run my own life because THIS IS WHAT I DO AND I LOVE IT. I do not have to question. I do not have to check with anyone or have permission. I will do this authentically because this is who I am.

The things that I say, write, post are from my heart, it is my truth. If something I say doesn't resonate with you, that is okay, maybe something else will. or not. I will continue to propel forward and speak my truth because it is my passion.  I don't do it for the praise or the criticism.

May you find your power as I have found mine and may that look as unique as you are.

Amethyst

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The journey of a mother

I was a size zero before I had my first child. I'm only telling you where I started because it wasn't until my first postpartum experience that I came to realize that number defined me. It WAS me and it made accepting my new body absolutely impossible. I was the small funny girl, what was I now? Omg, who am I?! If I wasn't my appearance, who the fuck was I? I struggled body dysmorphic disorder and experiences with eating disorders, but I realize that before this, I was always small. I never had to ask, I didn't even know that was how I defined myself until that point.But wow, I would stand in front of the mirror and sob, I put myself down, I put myself through hell....for what?

Through parenting, I realized I had many talents, I was strong, smart, creative, so I focused on that but it was still a very long journey. I was pregnant 9 months later. Twenty pounds heavier than the first time (which I realize now was an actual healthy weight for me, if not below....but don't tell my then self that) I made several changes to my life during this period, actually, my whole life changed and this postpartum experience was a lot different. I didn't have time to stare in the mirror, I started saying positive affirmations, even though it was a struggle. Did I believe that I was perfect and beautiful and worthy, not quite, but you say things as you wish they were, not necessarily as they are.

I am three weeks into my third postpartum experience. I feel like a goddess. I grew life, 3 times. I have been on this journey of self love for 5 years, truly starting at the bottom, the utmost self loathing. I have come to know my worth, I have come to not only believe, but know without a doubt that I am worthy, I am beautiful, I am perfect. I am strong. I am defined by so much more than my appearance. I am a soul with a body, a body that I chose during this lifetime and if this is how it needed to look after creating three humans, then, thank you. Thank you body for your perfection, partnership, support and love. This is where I reside for the rest of my life and I could not ask for a better one because it's perfectly me and I am so much more than what you see. And so are you.

How can you ever say anything negative about your body after you have felt the dancing of life from inside your womb?

What a cruel scheme to keep a woman from knowing her power. To keep the focus on what pregnancy did to her body rather than what her perfect body just did. Here we sit, creating and nourishing the future and we are diminished to baby weight. I will not succumb to your demeaning ideals.

The focus of LOOK WHAT PREGNANCY DID TO MY BODY is such a devestating diservice that distracts us from our power as creators. Look what the fuck my body did. Look at what formed inside my womb. I am the portal between realms, I am all powerful. I am not defined by my extra weight or squishy body. I am the definition of God.  Look what I did. Nothing will distract me from how beautiful and immensely powerful I am.

You may share my photos with credit, please respect my journey and art and do not alter <3

Know your power, Dear One.

-Amethyst Joy

also read: This important body positive blog post

We waited for you.

"Did you always know?""Oh, no. No, I didn't. But I believed... I believed."

Her name was Eponine and she was unafraid.

I have waited for my third for years, through uncertainty, through miscarriage, through joy and pain and soul connection and growth, through 42 weeks of pregnancy, we waited.

Eponine Cataleia Gracie was born at home, in the water at1:52pm

With every contraction I would affirm "I love it, I love it." "I am the greatest." As they came on with purposeful power. My ability to stay in a capable and focused mindset was really beautiful and empowering.

I am so thankful to my partner, Greg, for being an ever present calming force in life and in birth. My sister, Gracie, my dad and my birth team.

Ezekiel was whispering to her "You are so brave, you are so strong!" While Escher yelled how cute and tiny she was....she isn't, by the way at 9.1 pounds and 22.75 inches.

We are home enjoying every second. More info and photos to come <3

I'm not sorry you're sad.

I've had the revelation pretty recently on my parenting journey that even though I'm pretty sensitive and mindful of their emotions, I to stop telling my kids "I'm sorry you're sad" if they are crying or having a rough day because being sad isn't a bad thing, it's a perfectly normal, healthy and helpful emotion. Just like being frustrated or mad or anything else! I don't want my kids to think there is something wrong with being anything other than happy. I had a recent conversation with Ezekiel that went like this:

Z: "MOM, I FEEL SAD"

Me: "It's okay to feel sad. I don't try and fix you when you feel happy, so why would I try and fix you when you feel sad? It's just another emotion and all emotions are important I am here with you, by you and for you, always, to sort through whatever you are feeling, otherwise just let me know what you need."

It's true, kid's don't need help with feeling happy, they are inherently happy, they are inherently good and they are inherently emotional and that is a beautiful thing. Throwing a tantrum on the floor is a wonderful outlet! Imagine how good we would feel if we could instantly feel our emotions, instantly process and move on. It's pretty interesting that we have been conditioned to punish children for feeling their feelings exactly how they do because of etiquette or social structure or what have you when we really should be learning from them how to feel.

So if my kid is mad, if my kid is crying, if my kid is happy or sad, how fantastic! Teach me more about holding space for emotion guilt free, my love! I welcome your emotional wisdom and will stop apologizing for it. I will stop making it make me feel uncomfortable and figure out, truly, why it did in the first place. Let's talk about it, let's work together but I'm not sorry you are sad.

 

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Fuck off, don't touch me.

Earlier this year, we had just arrived at the beach, Ezekiel was walking about 10 steps ahead of me when I saw a very large, drunk man approach Z, he reached down and picked Z up! Ezekiel was terrified, screaming "MOM, MOM!!!!!" I was sprinting, it all happened so fast, but it was also in slow motion. I lowered my voice about 15 octaves and demanded that he put Z down immediately. I don't think this person meant to relocate or do anything malicious, but it scared Ezekiel, so automatically, this is not okay. He stumbled down the side walk and left. I made sure Ezekiel knew that every way Z reacted was perfect and that what had happened was absolutely NOT okay. It is never okay for someone to touch your body without your permission and I wanted to empower and equip Z, so never again would that fear be felt.

That's when I decided screaming the phrase "FUCK OFF, DON'T TOUCH ME" At the top of your lungs was a solution. And we practiced. And we talked about reading people's energies and looking at their intentions before they even get near you. Approaching a family with kids if you are lost? Great idea. Someone sketchy coming up to you if they think you are alone, you know how to feel that out because you are strong and capable and smart. And if ANYONE touches you without your permission and you feel unsafe, you yell right in their face and you yell until they listen because, I'm not far behind.

And it has been helpful, it has been empowering and I will forever be grateful for words that scare people and make them pay attention, because when you are small, sometimes words are all you have.

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How we do Christmas

Christmas started to look a lot different after my parents divorced, the literally picture perfect Hallmark Movie version of the celebration was no more. It was that first year, when my sister and I decided to go to the bar on December 25th that we realized that that was totally okay. Our current Christmas festivities look completely different from the ones I had growing up, gone are the days where opening presents piles to the ceiling took all day, gone is the religion behind the day, gone is the dude in the big red jumpsuit.

No presents, no tree, no ornaments, how sad?! Nah, we have the best fucking time.

I got this great idea when my first was born that instead of buying a house full of new presents, I would wrap things up that we already had....in junk mail I would save throughout the year. It was wildly successful and every year I love to see it evolve, last year both children could not contain their joy to bring me things to wrap, to guess which ones they had before unwrapping and to finally unwrap!!!! They lose their minds, they get so excited, even when Ezekiel wrapped a box of goldfish crackers.

What I do buy are season passes (to where depending on if we are in WA or CA) because I will pay for memories, for adventure, for quality time.

Instead of getting together with extended family, as was tradition growing up, instead of second thanksgiving, we are usually with my dad and my sister, bur it looks different everywhere because we aren't tied to tradition. We do what we want! "Isn't it sad you don't see your mom...your extended family?" Uhm, nope! The day looks however we want it to, we have complete freedom to go on a hike or stay in and binge on netflix. It's a glorious day because we make it so.

I decided to tell my kids the truth about Santa because, I think it's weird to have kids believe they are only worthy of things based on behavior...because behavior is based on so many other things! It's weird that someone would enter our house while we sleep and bring us things. Plus, I didn't want to fuel the CHRISTMAS = STUFF trap. I said "things are as real as you make them and some people like to buy into the story of Santa." So don't worry about my kiddos ruining it for yours either ;) Ezekiel said "Mom, I know Santa isn't a real person, but I just really want Darth Vader to be real. So I'm going to believe that." Perfect!

Anyway, that is our perspective on Christmas, a hopeful reminder that you don't have to continue any tradition that you don't want to and it doesn't have to be sad, it can be incredibly freeing to do things how you want and focus on family in a new way <3

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Truth, children and a change of vocabulary.

I am very open and transparent with Ezekiel. There are no silly stories of why things are the way they are or how come things happen, no tooth fairy tales or storks or anything but facts. I feel anything less is insulting. I want my kids to be open with me, so I am open with them. This has been challenging for me because I have no example or template or how to or anyone close that has parented successfully in this way. As we grow, as I practice, I get better, more confident, my vocabulary gets more understanding and clear as I learn. Like last night, we were scrolling through old pictures and one came up of Ezekiel's sperm donor. Z stopped me and had a look of "I know I should know that person but I don't." Z: "Who's that?"

Me: "That's the person that brought you earthside with me."

Z: "ohhhhh riiiiight. What's his name?"

Me: "I don't think it's super important that I tell you his name. But if you wanna know it, I'll tell you."

Z: "It's important to me."

So, I tell Z and he repeats it several times and we move on with pictures.

Z: "I just don't remember that guy."

Me: "I said, nah, I wouldn't expect you to, you chose him to get to me. You didn't choose him to be your dad."

Z: "I know, I choosed my dada to be my dad, the one in California." (Greg is in cali for work)

Me: "Yup, and Greg chose you. We probably won't ever see the other guy again...I should clarify, unless you want to when you are older, -I- am content with never seeing him again."

Z: "Why don't you want to see him again?"

Me: "Because I feel his role in my life is complete. He brought me you and that was the plan. I would gain nothing good from seeing him again."

More pictures.

Z: "I just don't like when that guy washes his hands. Just keep em' dirty, ya know, like hello! That's why I cry. Because he washes his hands. He washes all the blood off his hands and I don't like it....I never want to see him again."

I cannot be one hundred percent certain of what Ezekiel meant by that and I didn't want to be that annoying adult and pry. But it is very profound considering that Sperm Donor phased out of our lives on his own accord, last seeing Ezekiel September 2014 and is now raising his girlfriend's three kids like nothing ever happened and like Z doesn't exist.

I learned several things from this conversation, that once again, children see and feel much more than we think. I NEVER discuss anything about this person or their life with Ezekiel, unless asked and that's been extremely few and far between and definitely not including any personal detail of how he lives his life.

That empowering our kids and trusting them with the truth is so important. It could have gone so differently. "Oh, that's the shit bag that abandoned you!" "Oh, that's the guy that was supposed to be your father." "Oh....that's no one." No, none of that. Just truth.

Kids can handle truth, especially when your vocabulary delivers it in such a way where they are in charge of their own lives. Me saying "I don't want to see him again." Was for me and I leave it up to Z to choose any future actions, forever arming Ezekiel with truth, empowerment, building self-esteem, confidence and love, so if a day comes when they do meet again, Z will stand tall and whatever this person or any person has to say does not define who Ezekiel is, nobody will but Z.

Another example of an empowered vocabulary is if your kid's want a toy that you can't particularly afford, instead of saying things that encourage lack and worry and guilt (we are poor because of me) "We can't afford that. We have no money." etc, You say "I am choosing to spend our money elsewhere right now, but let's be thinking of what toy you want to play with when we get home!" "Instead of buying something else, let's go to the park instead!" Empowering words.

From my own experience, children are our partners if we let them be. If we stop belittling them with cute frilly lies about how things work. If we stop projecting onto them our own insecurities. We think we are protecting our kids with these cute passed down stories, but it leads to US and THEM, separation. I'm smart, you're dumb. I know more than you. It's insulting. Just because we are bigger, we've been here longer, doesn't actually mean we know shit. You can study one book your entire life and know the ins and outs and then 40 years later, it comes out that the details were falsified and everything is fake. Then what do you know? We live in a society where they largely teach us what they want us to know (They being the government, passed down, old, outdated jargon from our parents, etc) not necessarily what is true for us, what resonates with us. But kids. They do what they love, they remember a time of complete freedom, where anything is possible. They aren't bogged down by fear or stigma or the idea that one person, job title, gender is more desirable than the other. They hold the keys to the future and that's the kind of person I want by my side and teaching me. We learn together because I don't have all the answers.

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Why my white kid has dreadlocks and so do I

Why my white kid has dreadlocks and so do I. I know, I know, you could read the title in an asshole tone, but that's not what this is. It's our journey and facts about our story.

Ezekiel is a very sensitive person. Existing in a body can at times be too loud, too bright, too raw, too painful. Sensitive children, Psychic Children, whatever you want to call it, Ezekiel has S.P.D. (sensory processing disorder) and in researching about that, I discovered I do too, a diagnosis has made life easier in lots of ways, otherwise I don't care for the labels.

We spend a lot of time shopping for clothes, nothing too itchy, nothing too...anything. This affects aspects of our life you wouldn't expect, especially when Z was smaller and communication wasn't great yet. Random screaming fits, endless diet struggles, trying to rip clothes off....and the struggle with the comb. If you know me, you know that I am a forceful and strong advocate for body autonomy. My kid's bodies are completely their own to dress, adorn, reside in and own. Ezekiel decided that long hair was what would serve Z best at around 3 years old, I immediately knew this would get interesting because of the comb aversion, but it's not my body and not my choice.

Around the same time, I had both succumb to a lifetime of fighting freeform locs and also seen myself with long, beautiful locs when I would meditate and envision my authentic self. It felt right, it felt like me. And to this day my locs hold so much beautiful meaning to me.

Around 9 months ago, despite shaving an undercut, Ezekiel's hair began to loc, also around this time Cultural Appropriation turned into a discussion that people were finally having in white communities and it is a stance I agree with, feelings are valid and systematic racism is a deep seeded issue that is very much present.

While I realize that some people see dreads as CA, I also see that this is what my baby's body does naturally. And as a mother of a gender eccentric child, I want Ezekiel to be proud of what Z's body does naturally, not only with hair but with growth and puberty and I never want Ezekiel to feel Z was "born in the wrong body." or "with the wrong parts." And embrace the beautiful body Z chose naturally and all that goes along with it.

We have many conversations about what's happening in the world today and do not make decisions in ignorance. I will support Ezekiel, I will support what Z's body and hair do naturally and I will respect that combs look and feel like a negative force.

This is our story, another perspective, another journey.

All my love,

Amethyst

Personal Empowerment and Life Coaching

When you are feeling lost, buried, suffocated, hopeless and helpless, often times it takes someone who has been there to not only sit with you in darkness, but say "It's time to release and move on, you don't have to sit here alone forever." This is what I offer in my Personal Empowerment sessions. Over phone, skype, email  or in person I Offer:

-Love and understanding

- Evaluation of your current life and what you want your future to look like

-Devising a plan of action that will work for your unique situation.

-Self Discovery

-Celebration with you

-Email availability

-I support you in your journey to wholeness and freedom

-and more...

I spent a lot of my life suffering, wondering "why me?" I spent all my time giving my power away to those who abused it. I decided long ago that my power was for me and no one would make me feel any type of way. I am the captain of my ship. I live in love and have created and designed the exact life that I want to live. These sessions are about you being committed to doing the work and putting advice into action, I did the work and continue to evolve. My skills are fought for, my advice is lived. My perspective is unique.

No cost 20 minute initial consultation available to ensure compatibility

Cost

All payments will be exchanged via paypal

$65 per session (1 hour)

Email me here for questions and to book your empowerment session, I look forward to working with you.

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Lessons from a dancing flower

wordswag_1475693621312 I love this beautiful being. The ridiculous gender stereotypes that I had helped uphold for society were all brought to the surface as Ezekiel began to grow, Z showed me who they were, what they liked, what they gravitated toward and I listened. More reluctantly at first because, after all, I needed to project the all important gender boxes to be a good parent right, I didn't want Z to get made fun of, right? Fear based decisions kept me from allowing Ezekiel from living in their truth. What a disservice. What a tragedy if I didn't check myself and wake the fuck up. Does this mean Ezekiel is gay? Trans? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN that Z loves pink and is the equivalent of a flower dancing in the wind in every motion Z makes? What does it mean? Well, the lovely thing is, it doesn't mean anything...or it could? Fuck the labels and the boxes. It means freedom, it means having the power explore, it means Ezekiel will bloom into the person they were always meant to be. "But won't HE look back at pictures of HIM in dresses and be embarrassed?!" What is embarrassing about expression, about art, about genuine happiness? If what Z chooses to be clothed in different style clothes, look like a different version of themselves, express themselves as whatever, it will be nothing more than the evolution of self that we all go through. Z will always know that body autonomy and respect was number one in all choices.

Being loving to your children, empowering them, holding space for them to trust themselves, allowing them to show you who they are, these are the keys in life and when someone is unloving toward them, it won't matter. Because they know they look amazing. They know they are amazing. Kids are born confident. What has potential to destroy that is your unconscious dialog and actions. "Oh, look at her hair, how ridiculous" "Omg, they look HORRIBLE, how could they even wear that and think in looked good."  Etc etc on and on and on. Wake up in your speech, your children are listening. Even in the unloving things you say about yourself. "My thighs are so gross" and kids think "thighs can be gross? Are -my- thighs gross?" Replace your unlovely speech with life giving words "I am strong, Oh, looks like I'll need a bigger size, that's no big deal, Those pants look amazing on you, oh, that hat looks so great on them.." Refuse to continue to bully yourself, to be your kid's first bully, unconsciously. Let love grow, bigger than your fear.

Do it Afraid.

I understand that it is hard to make changes. I understand that your normal is still your normal no matter how toxic it is and how much it hurts you. It's the fear of what next, it's the fear of failure, it's the fear of leaving things that make you comfortable. "I will never find anyone to love me as a single mom" "I'll never make it on my own" and other lies we tell ourselves. It comes down to fear and not thinking we don't deserve any better. The cycle of dysfunction in a relationship, the "Only every 6 months he drinks too much and spirals out of control." or "only about once a month, we fight like that.....I can handle  once a year, once a month, once a week." The cycle that will never stop unless you decide you want off the ride. There is a quote I love “Sometimes...fear does not subside and...one must choose to do it afraid.”

Choose to do it afraid. You are worth more than those friends who talk about you behind your back, you are worth more than your mother or family member doing things for you just to get things in return, you are WORTH MORE. And you don't owe anyone for being nice to you, People are their own sovereign beings and they have the power to do things because they choose too, you do not owe them. YOU DO NOT OWE THEM.

You are not chained to relationships just because they helped you through hard times years ago. We attract people into our lives for a purpose, sometimes the purpose is short lived and it is time to release. You are not obligated to continue to drain yourself for something that is no longer working. If your relationships do not grow and change and serve who you are NOW, it is okay to honor (I thank you for all the things you have shown me, I thank you for the lessons and the good times.) and release.

And this isn't just about relationships, it's about anything in your life. Believing you are worthy is no small task, when you have been in these cycles, when you have grown up believing the opposite. But it is also not impossible.

 

Finding motivation for change:

If you don't want to break the cycle for you, do it for someone you love, or even imagine someone you love while you do it. You would not want this life for your daughter, niece, son, cat, dog, so, imagine that you are them. Make decisions while thinking of them and use it to find your strength.

Positive Affirmations:

Speak life into yourself. It's okay if you don't believe it at first, but stay consistent and I promise you will notice a difference. You have been downing yourself for years, so why not try something new? "I am worthy of love" "I deserve love because I exist." "I am strong and capable." "I can do anything I put my mind to." "I deserve a life I love." Into the mirror. All day long. To yourself. This calls attention to your speech. This wakes you up and holds you accountable for the things you say. Replace the "I can't" The  "I'm so stupid" With words of love. Refuse to bully yourself. "I am smart." "It's okay to make mistakes."

Boundaries:

It is essential to create boundaries in your life and it is even more essential to require that the people in your life respect those boundaries. Find your voice. "No, actually that's not okay." "I would prefer if you didn't" Be an advocate for yourself. This is will feel uncomfortable at first, do it anyway. Once you establish boundaries, you are opening up the fact that you DO matter. You are speaking your needs and people will eventually hear you or they will not be allowed in your life. It's a process, start small, create your new comfort zone brick by brick.

Change is hard, it's uncomfortable, it's terrifying, but you are worth it. You really do deserve a life that you love and it is absolutely possible.

-Amethyst

 

 

Conscious Partnership

How could you do that, how could you be so stupid? If you find yourself asking your partner, your kids, your whoever these questions, you are part of the problem. I know, it's shitty to hear, but it's true.It automatically puts them on the defense, it fuels the need to put walls up and be "right" and it won't produce any fruitful or productive answers. It's time to change your dialog.  To elevate the conversation into a space where healing takes place and answers can be found. "You messed up. What are you going to do to fix it?" This eliminates the blame game. It calls a thing a thing and presents itself for what it is. It puts the focus on solution instead of back and forth, unhelpful banter.

Whenever you get more than one person into a space for an extended amount of time, like in a relationship, for example. There will be disagreements because you are setting up people on the same path but equipped with different life experience, different tool boxes, different coping mechanisms, etc. They will not deal with the same situation in the same way, once we can realize this and see it for what it is, fighting becomes communication, becomes appreciation, becomes a fruitful partnership. Feeling and expressing all your feelings is important, holding space for your partner while they feel feelings, feeling feelings together without blame, shame or being an asshole will change the way you interact in a positive way. When we cease to see "your side; my side" and instead look at things objectively, working together building on the others skills, helping with weaknesses, everybody wins.

Partnership doesn't just apply to a significant other, but allrelationships in our lives, every encounter. How can you elevate your relationships today?

-Amethyst Joy

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Perception.

Perception is everything. They know in Science that the observer creates the outcome and different outcomes arise in just choosing a different observer. You have two people looking at the same picture, reading the same quote and they will come up with reactions based on their perceptions of the world, the filter they choose to look through. This is a result of their childhood, their beliefs, how they feel about themselves, etc. Good or bad, useful or not, we are a sum of a collection of ideas we have allowed ourselves to believe, true or not. What makes it true is that you believe it is. What is true is there is no universal truth for this reason. Nothing is black and white, we all see the world in a unique way and it's a beautiful thing if we allow it to be, but we see anything different as wrong, which is the genesis of most problems in groups, marriages, relationships, societies. Lack of communication and the dismissal of perspective, not seeing it as different colors that make up a beautiful painting, but the idea that different is wrong. It is completely up to you if you want to engage and listen to someone else's perception based on their life experience or just walk away and disengage. Both are okay. Your energy is for you and you may spend or conserve it in any way you see fit. I recently shared a quote, as a writer, that's what I do, I use my words to bring forth new perspective. I said "How can you ever say anything negative about your body after you have felt the dancing of life from inside your womb?" From MY perspective it was simply an invitation to look at the process of pregnancy in a new way, to embrace your power instead of focusing on the ways you feel or anyone as made you feel like you failed. And a lot of others saw that too, but it was interesting to also see "It's my body, I can feel how I want about it......Don't tell me how to feel!" Which of course, if you know me, I am all about doing what you want! If self loathing serves or empowers you, then, have at it, this is your human experience! But I didn't think all that would fit in the meme and may have taken away some of the core message.

People like to be justified in the things they think, even if it hurts them. Cognitive Dissonance. I know I trigger people, that has been my life experience. I have spent years in silence, keeping myself in check, to hide my light, my gifts, my message, so I don't offend people. I love the opportunity to share a different perspective. I know what is right for me and if it resonates with you, beautiful! I also realize Perception. I also realize the perspective I have may not make sense to you through your filter and that is okay, live your truth! As I tell my kids, you can do whatever you want as long as you are respecting the boundaries of others.

I write about my life because that is my experience. I write from my perspective because that is my experience. That is what is beautiful about writing, I collect old words and arrange them in a way that no one ever has because no one has ever been me. I only bring my perspective, not my demands. Do what truly serves you not holds you to your suffering.

-Amethyst Joy

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Everybody deserves respect.

Let's get rid of the idea that the size of a thing is the measure of its power? Just because children are in tiny bodies doesn't mean they are less important or less or anything. How do you measure "Power"? Your physical strength over another being? I think that's pretty gross. If you feel powerful when making others feel small or by controlling them physically without their consent, it's criminal.  Hurting children to make them behave, to do what you want is actually really narcissistic and abusive because you are basing everyone else's existence on your perceived morals, not actual facts. What if what is best for you or what you think is best for you is not serving the person that your child is? Why isn't that the moral dilemma? You are not raising mini mes and to do so is to break the spirit of another human, forcing them to fall in line or respect you based on fear. And you think that is what "respect" looks like. No wonder my generation is riddled with anxiety and depression, the fear instilled in us has crippled our greatness. And I absolutely believe it stems from the twisted idea that fear was more respectful than love. More practical, more useful.

Respect is based on compassion. To see another person and realize the humanity you both share in having a human experience, not because of what they do or don't do, because they exist on earth, it is not something that needs to be earned. Everyone deserves respect. EVERYONE DESERVES RESPECT. It takes nothing from you to send a loving thought to an enemy.

Slug of Atmosphere said it best "Do ya thang, Honey, as long as your thing ain't got a single thing to do with me." Respect your boundaries. Respect the boundaries of others.

Because what are we teaching our children about social interactions when we judge people based on the decisions they make about their own lives? They don't deserve respect because of how they live? That is so strange to me, because people are accountable for their own actions and no one else's. Your kids are listening when you speak fear and hatred. They also listen when you speak love and compassion. Work to change your dialog. Listen to yourself talk.

Respect all life, starting with your children, show them that even the smallest creatures deserve respect and that love does not EVER include violence.

The power to heal through visualization

A lot of what I do is because the power of visualization. It is seeing things beyond the limited 5 senses. It is learning to finally see for the first time in a lot of ways. It is a skill that takes practice and dedication to expand upon. I think people dismiss how important and powerful visualization is. They roll their eyes when I suggest healing comes from visualizing. Everything in our world is based on the idea that imagination is useless, maybe that is why we are so sick. Maybe that is why we are so sad.

The power of healing ourselves is through visualization, if we realized how powerful we were, that we dictate everything in our world, everyone would start the day visualizing exactly how they want it to go. We would see the importance of breathe work, of meditation, of seeing ourselves how we want ourselves.

In my readings, I give people the tools to take their power back in their lives. I help people that have "tried everything" I help people get in touch with the free version of themselves. I share meditation practices, visualization exercises and healing that comes through the messages of their spiritual support system.

It seems too simple. People are skeptical. This incredible opportunity to heal gets cast aside and half tried if tried at all. You can sit in your house and heal yourself of pain that has plagued you for several lifetimes? Hah. Okay.

But for real. There are multiple studies over decades, one including weightlifters stimulating brain patterns from imagining lifting weight that are the exact patterns stimulated when physically lifting weight. Brain studies reveal that thoughts produce the same mental instructions as actions.  Let me repeat that: Brain studies now reveal that thoughts produce the same mental instructions as actions.

We have the power to halt and change the entire direction of our lives. It starts with first imagining it. It starts with positive affirmations that actually change our thought patterns, actually change our brain patterns.

This is not a discussion about prescriptions or treatment for any certain illnesses, I am forever in favor of chemical alterations of brain patterns as well, but imagine using both of these techniques together. Combining body and soul in a beautiful dance instead of thinking of them as two separate entities. Be one with yourself.

Imagination, seeing for the first time beyond out LIMITED 5 senses. The possibilities are endless, you are so powerful and the healing is real. I give you the tool box, you still have to open it.

Contact me for questions and readings. Read more here.

thehealedmother@gmail.com

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Stop pretending you aren't the Phoenix.

I'm not about pretending. Not about that fake life, it took a lot of fucking work to align who I wanted to be, who I felt like I was and who I actually am. A lot of fucking work, even with the best of intentions, I was fragmented. I lived my life with bags full of masks for every occasion, stemming from the root problem of not feeling good enough. It takes so much extra effort to be the best version of whoever you are around at the time, behave in a way they would like or accept you best. That's friendship, right? Pattern on repeat for a lifetime. A beautiful thing happens when all the parts of yourself merge into one authentic entity. You can lose the baggage you constantly carry, the thoughts that are forever scratching at the back of your mind, the idea that any version of you won't do or that it isn't good enough.

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I am messily me. To know myself, it took years of sorting through my pain, insecurities, self loathing. It took years of forgiving people that weren't sorry, holding a younger version of myself and sitting in the dark, sobbing. Holding space for myself at all ages and stages. Finding my power, picking up the pieces that were violently shaken out of me along the way or that I peeled off myself thinking "no one will like that part" "that will never do me any good"

It's an interesting process of washing your authenticity raw and burying your true self under miles of protection. Raw and protected. But, when you realize that the protection is actually hurting you, it's heavy to carry, it's the burden you tried to avoid....what the fuck do you do now? Most continue living with it, most choose to pretend because that's instantly easier, but it comes with a lifetime of pain. Shame. Why me.

Be the bravest version of yourself. You are worth it. Dig yourself out of the foundation you left yourself in. Start new. Burn it down. Feel it. Be alive. Be yourself, truly, fully.

You CAN have it all, you can align with who you want to be instead of feeling like you are swimming toward that version of yourself against the tide and not even moving. Struggling to remain in the same, exhausting spot (life). Burn it down. You are the Phoenix.

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art by: jojoesart.deviantart

I offer healing and life path readings to jump start you on your journey. email: thehealedmother@gmail.com for questions