When you look at your child as something broken that needs to be fixed, this is the lense in which you parent. Everything you do and see and say is filtered through this lense.
"you can't....you shouldn't.....you need to stop....what if...?" Over and over and over. Everyone is afraid and injecting anxiety into every decision that their child makes.
The fear based decisions of our parents need to be examined.
Settling and abandoning your dreams being the basis for a "good life" is over.
Open up a dialog with yourself about the origins of your conclusions of "No" with your children. Instead of dumping fear and uncertainty onto every decision they make now and in future, figure out why you are saying NO to your child.
Bring awareness to your thoughts and how you speak to your children.
It's not meant to be discouraging or shaming to realize things that we can do better, it's empowering because we can always evolve.
The way you word things and the language you use is important.
"No, you can't"
well, you can...but here is what may happen if you do.
How does that feel to you?
Try it and see!
What do you think?
Can'ting someone is always fuel for making them want to do it harder. If I say no, which of course I do, because we respect other people's boundaries, it's accompanied with "and here is why" so there is a mutual understanding and respect.
When you believe that your children are whole and perfect and you nurture the wonderful things that are already inside them the entire perspective of your parenting changes. They become confident because you already knew that they were. They become loving because you have told them since birth that they are. This is the filter in which everything you say and think about your children goes through.
This changes everything.