In moving forward on this journey: There I was broken, lost, waiting for a change and a difference. I knew that nothing in the backwards could ever feel as good as what was waiting in the forward. The unknown. The not comfortable. The scary. It HAD to feel better than this. I looked back on my nothing to hold onto.
I released. I leapt forward, I had nothing to cling to until my fingers bled. It was all worth burning. It had to be, it was all that had gotten me here in this pit. I flew away. Into the blinding light, away from the familiar. The comfortable darkness. "Teach me, for I know nothing." I cried out as I flew.
How far I have come in 3 short years. From feeling broken to complete freedom. Beginning a journey away from myself to find myself. I have discovered unconditional love, the illusion that things are "good" and "bad" they actually just ARE. The ability to use my intuition first and every human reaction and mostly to be fucking genuine. I am not putting a show, this is life through and through. I have forgotten things like shame and being sorry for existing. Self loathing, codependence, viscious self talk. Etc.
I am forever grateful that change is my new comfort zone. Delighting in and with the flow of the ocean flow of the universe instead of choking on water and fighting the waves, getting offended by the unpredictable rhythms.